Monday, October 31, 2011

The Sly Thief

I was in Washington D.C a few days ago having dinner with Rheannon. It was a Whole Foods store, which is one of these upmarket chains which think it’s acceptable to charge me $1.28 for a damn apple…yeah you know the ones. Anyway, we’ve got our dinner from its massive deli bar and as a little insight for you, deli bar spells danger for me. You see, I can’t stop myself…‘a little more,’ ‘oh that looks good,’ ‘bit more of that,’ and before I know what’s happened I’ve spent $20 dollars and am left holding a plate of food, the weight of which is equivalent to a new born baby…but what the hell, I’m on holiday! That’s what I like to say when I know I’ve gone overboard, except this holiday has lasted 10 months now, don’t worry, next time I’ll control myself.

Sorry I've waffled a tad off topic. We sit down at the table and begin enjoying some pleasant conversation and what turns out to be pretty decent food. We’re having our desert now and the couple next to us are chowing down on some pizza slices, Rheannon is talking to me whilst gracefully eating her Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. My 20 dollars worth of food (which is now responsible for a third of my body weight) has been demolished with no time to spare, and out the corner of my eye I see the woman sitting next to us get up and head to the bathroom, leaving behind her half eaten pizza slice and loving partner.

Now bearing in mind she has probably gone to the bathroom to make sure she is still looking presentable for her darling other half, back at the table something horrible has just happened. I have just witnessed the guy reach over to the ladies slice, pick it up and shovel a mouthful down his gullet whilst looking nervously around. The amazing thing is that the man himself is yet to finish his slice which just sat there while curiosity got the better of him. Brilliant! This mans a genius, not content with one mere pizza slice of his own, he needs to have something more…not only that, but he does it covertly behind her back, surely this is the behaviour of a 10 year old…“no mummy I don’t want this one, I want that one now.” What makes it better was that I managed to catch the guys eye in between chews, and we shared a malicious chuckle together, except I think his was part laughter, part “oh please god don’t tell her.”

The more I thought about this, the more it reminded me of my university days, sharing a house with people who would suspect me behind every corner, especially when there was food involved. Let me take you through an example… we all make our separate dinners round about the same time so we can eat together in front of the T.V but Rich (one of my house-mates and closest friends) realises he doesn’t have a drink, so he goes and gets one…“oh could you grab me one to bud?” I shout. Of course his response is yes, but here’s the thing… I don’t actually need the drink, this method of distraction buys me enough time to reach over to his plate and force as many mouthfuls of his food down my throat as possible. Don’t ask why, his food could have been horrible, it could have been something I don’t even like, but for some reason that doesn’t matter. Food is food, and I want that food!

I would be chewing as he re-entered the room with this big grin on my face, which I try to pretend is from the television programme we are watching, and he would call me on it straight away. Of course he would, there is now a big divot in his otherwise untarnished plate of food. Meanwhile Mike and Rob (my other house-mates and closest friends) haven’t fallen for such trickery, they knew to bring drinks prior to their food unveiling.

To draw some sort of conclusion out of this rather crazed story, I will say how overjoyed it makes me feel that I’m not the only person who does this, and that I think it’s a guy thing, I doubt ladies would stoop to such levels of rudeness. Does that make me normal? I still have doubts.

I am a big supporter of food... This 18" bad boy was fresh from a restaurant in Philadelphia!

1 comment:

  1. Ah the days of protecting our pasta bakes in the basement...brilliant read!


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